....Something has to give. So I've pulled my Mean Mommy cap out of cold storage.

It's not as scary as it sounds. It doesn't have to be worn with a scowl or sneer, and it's not meant to frighten the kids into a lifetime of Freudian analysis. I don't want my children to be terrified of me, but having them know that I'm a tough mom can't be a bad thing. I hope they know I'm a firm, loving caretaker who always has their back. But a little fear might go a long way.

And it also sends an important message: "I'm ok with knowing that you're not going to like me for the next 20 minutes -- or 20 years. I'm not your BFF, so let's not pretend that we're equals here." A woman I know told me once, "You should establish early on that you're a badder ass than your two-year-old. He'll respect you more in the morning."

So, this probably isn't the expected cool mom way to discipline kids. But I can't trust that holding lengthy, nuanced U.N.-level negotiations with my kids will help them -- or get the expected results. I'll try this tough love thing until it's proven that it doesn't work.

This is from Rule 12:  "Humiliation is part of life..."

Once in a while, the smaller humiliations can help you learn to avoid the much bigger ones.

In Oklahoma, a mom who was fed up with her 14 year old daughter’s lousy grades and bad attitude made her stand on a busy street corner holding a sign that read:  "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."

This tough love, of course, defied every tenet of therapism.

One letter to the editor accused the mother of “killing her daughter psychologically” by embarrassing her publicly. A passing motorist called police to report the alleged incident of self-esteem-lowering and a report on the incident was forwarded to the state Department of Human Services.

The professionals, predictably, inflated themselves into a snit. One professor of child development told reporters that such punishment could do extreme emotional damage. "The trick is to catch them being good," he said. "It sounds like this mother has not had a chance to catch her child being good or is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus is."

The mom, however, did not subscribe to the catching-them-being-good philosophy and thus proved that she was not as utterly clueless as the professor of child development on the subject of discipline.

 “I'm not a professional,” said the mom. “But I felt I owed it to my child to at least try."

And, in fact, she reported that she had seen a marked improvement in her daughter’s behavior in the weeks after the sign incident. Her daughter’s attendance at school had been perfect and her behavior had noticeably improved.

Apparently unaware that she was supposed to be traumatized and emotionally crippled, the girl told reporters that the episode had gotten her attention. “I won’t talk back,” she said, adding that she hoped to improve her grades enough to be able to play basketball the next year.

Note what the mother in this story did: instead of simply focusing on her daughter’s feelings at the moment, she thought ahead to the consequences of her actions for her life as an adult. Instead of concentrating on what her 14-year-old thought about her mom this week, she was concerned with what kind of a 23-year-old she would become. She was willing to embarrass her daughter so that she would not have to endure the much longer and deeper embarrassment of living her life as a loser.