12/04/2007

Do you know Charles J. Sykes?

He's the guy who wrote in the mid-1990s a set of rules that began with "Life isn't fair, get used to it."

Then for the next several years he watched it travel the length and breadth of the Internet — with Microsoft zillionaire Bill Gates getting credit for writing it.

"It wasn't fair that Gates got the credit, but I learned to deal with that," Sykes said with a laugh. "But if he wants to send me some money, that would be fair."

Sykes, 53, is a Milwaukee radio and television announcer who recently released his fifth book, "50 Rules Kids Won't Learn In School." (161 pages, $19.95; St. Martin's Press; www.the50rules.com)

He said the "Life isn't fair" list started out as 11 rules, for his 1995 book "Dumbing Down Our Kids." It quickly grew to 14 rules and began riding the Web. For this latest book, he decided to augment the original rules and direct the message to teenagers.

Recently, we caught up with Sykes by telephone:

Q: Your first rule, 'Life isn't fair. Get used to it' struck a chord and has become a popular saying. Was it the incessant whining of our times that led you to making this declaration?

A: We have become a nation of victims and, yes, the incessant whining and the universal cry of the victim got to me. And anyone who has spent any time around kids has heard "it's not fair" time and time again. So I thought I would give them this as the first rule, and they could work from there.

Q: You criticize the removal of competitive sports, like dodgeball, from school P.E. classes. Why is that?

A: Believe me, I know what it's like to be picked last for sports. I was often the last or second-last one selected. But I learned to deal with that, and it made me realize that I had to figure out how to be good at something else.

Q: How do teachers react to your book, which takes some of the more modern theories of education to task?

A: When the (original) rules were circulating, the place they most often showed up was in classrooms, because it is teachers who have to deal with the smug and entitled members of the younger generations. Most educators get this instantly, because they have to deal with the kids who run to Mommy or Daddy when they get a "B."

Q: You mention a move several years ago in some school districts not to grade papers in red ink, because it was damaging to children's self-esteem. Why does this bother you?

A: This constant search for things that might possibly hurt kids' self-esteem and chasing the tail of anything even remotely critical is a problem. The people who follow the self-esteem orthodoxy believe that any negative feedback is bad. School papers that are almost unreadable, with misspellings are apparently OK. Everybody gets a gold star.

Q: These teens for whom you're writing are mostly the children of baby boomers. As parents, where did we boomers go wrong?

A: So many parents now want to be their kid's friend. Our parents did not lay awake at night and wonder if we liked them. My dad didn't worry about my approval; I was more concerned with earning his approval.

Q: Some who read this book may say you're a conservative. How do you feel about that?

A: It's not a political book. It's primarily common-sense stuff. All I say is that it's OK to say "no" to your kids and to criticize your kids when they deserve it. Tell them the truth, even if it hurts. So it's not conservative, really, but it is countercultural, since our culture seems to be diving headlong into weenie-ness.